The cattle must wait
distraction there is
Yes
must go to beauty contest
win, I will!
I pity my rivals
weak they are
dim they are
Yes
Think you can beat me?!
Hahahaha
No
but
the cattle will be watching
but they do not know
I will be onto them
help I have
Yes
Yes
Hoo
Yes
more money I will get
Yes
It is mine
I can smell it now
POWER!
Yes
But I am vigilant...

The coal miners hat.
Under there.
Down there.
Seeing nothing but coal.
On top of a brute.
A brute with nothing inside.
On top it is indeed yes.
Forsooth.

Bicuspid valve

I am but a pixel manipulator on your browser window.
Take me seriously not.

'The 3 seats'

In the left seat is Partney Grafton.
In the middle seat is Vine Hartook.
And in the right seat is Mahama Verday.
There they sit, all splendid in velvet and sequins.
We amaze at their grace and fashion sense.
Hail!
Thyne seatingness is an inspiration to us all.
And rest in peace, the Mid City cinema. The last bastion of true cinema excellence.

Jake and the Marble stone gods.

Jake was a fair man. Like all fair people he walked the Earth with spirit and good vibes.
He had regrets, like all of us, and never forgave himself for them as any good person would do.
His time in this mortal coil was one of anonymity and almost pitiful hopelessness that his life would never amount to much.
But, as fate would have it, Jake had a purpose unknown to himself that would have a profound effect on the fabric of our way of being in the eons to come.
For, you see, Jake was the first of many to come. A messenger of hope and happiness that not even the most optimistic of us could predict.
His being in the nearingness of others provoked ecstatic joy and creativeness of a level never experienced in the history of mankind.
Yet it was a gift that would never sprout in the originator, but leave it's mark on all that followed the creator of modern joy.
Ah! The time of ecstacy awaits us all. Forget the material possesions, the monetary yet short lived illusions of spendthrift excursions, the true Karma of beingness is at hand. It is staring you in the navel, eyeing the arrival to paradise.
Jake, the creator of divine ecstacy, the mighty lord of jum-jum, is the one that will end this hypocracy of human being.
The marble gods had nothing on Jake, their 'timeless' images nothing but false promises of hope that is nothing but despair.
Hark! The word of Jake is at hand and ready to release your soul.
Ha!

Hey there, it's me, Heck, of the Cow Bros.
Well a lot sure has happened since our last post yeah.
As I told you, we went to the big city to cut our first demo, but guess what?! We ended up recording our first album!! Yeah!
What happened was, Ozzy Osbourne was really impressed with our music and he invited a producer along to hear our thang. He was really impressed too and offered us a contract on the spot! Farmer Nickles who has become our manager did all the contract stuff for us, and we got a pretty good deal. We will be paid 500 haybales a month (that was our stipulation!) and we will get a certain amount of money a month too. Also, we will get a percentage of the CD sales.
Of course we cannot eat 500 haybales a month so a lot of it will be going to charity, there are some really hungry cows in Africa yeah.
Anymoo, we recorded our album in 2 weeks in the same studio that David Bowie recored 'Scary Monsters'...cool!
We are really chuffed with the result. The producer guy really helped us a lot and fine tuned our sound. The album is a lot heavier than we thought it would be, some people say it sounds like Black Sabbath, which is way cool!
If you wanna hear a sample of 'Udder destruction' click here.
Unfortunately we can only play a few seconds of it, legal stuff yeah.
So in just a few months our dream has come true. Like only a few months ago we were posing, pretending we were a band and now we have our first album yeah. Our parents would be proud but they were taken away by the big truck and we never saw them again...wonder where they went?
Anymoo, our album will be released on September 10th. We have a lot of promo stuff to do before then so we will be busy, but we are excited yeah.
I have to go, Lenny and Gunther want to jam. They are already thinking up new songs for another album yeah.
Mosh on yeah!

Woooooooooa Duggy Duggy!

Bowtowt Langdon and the four mangers caught up with the hurling scrap dags and who knows....oh fudge it!

Corpuscucupurupurucupurucuscupucurucle.

We're going to the shopping mall today
The shopping mall today
Hooray!

Yes, we're going to the shopping mall today

Filled up my purse with dosh
Gonna spend it on things I need
Things that I need

So, we're going to the shopping mall today
The shopping mall today
Hootah!

We're going to the shopping mall today

Wrote my shopping list last night
Things I need to get
Yes, things that I need to get

Oh, there is

Shampoo
Doilies
Tea bags
Capsicum
Toothpicks
Incense
Instant noodles
Light bulbs
and a...
dooooooooor mat

So, we're going to the shopping mall today
Yes, the shopping mall today
HOORAY!

Dang! Damn wind blew the calendar and dislodged a thumb tack.
Where is it?
Can't find it.
It's here somewhere.
But with all this junk around I can't find it.
One corner of the calendar is hanging down.
That ain't good.
Can't read it.
What is today's date?
Dunno, cause I can't read it.
Oh what I would give to be omnipresent.
Wouldn't need to know the date then.
The things I could see!
But this is just a dream.
They are only for sleep.
When you wake up they are gone.
So does this mean daydreams are false images of events that will never occur?
Martin Luther King had a dream.
Did it come true?
Don't matter eh?!
Crikey! That is one rather large Budgie!!

Hello. Jake Bison of the Bison re-enactment club here.
After a few weeks break we are back into it!
We decided on Captain Cook's final hours as our next re-enactment.
This was quite an easy re-enactment as you can see.
Involved were: Marsha Bison, Push-my-button Bison, Heaving beauty Bison, Fido Bison, Hank Bison, Jib Bison, Takeshi Bison (our guest from the Japan Bison re-enactment club), Banal Bison, Stumm! Bison, Bwana Bison, and Dolph Bison.
Bwana Bison was great as Captain Cook! We awarded him the B.R.C. Golden Thespian award for his stunning performance.
Takeshi Bison played the Hawaiian native who stabs Captain Cook. His performance was great too. We learned a few techniques from our Japanese friend, and he also taught us a few Judo moves which have come in rather useful.
So all in all it was a fantastic experience doing the death of Captain Cook, a great man and a great death!
Catch you later eh?!

Muck Sonders and Gray Fnaff met for their weekly brewski and natter at Vicious Bob's beer emporium...
Gray! Malt and brews to you!
Muck! Don't mind if I do....cheers and salutations!
Cheers and salutations!
Ahhhh!
Ahhhhh!
So what's the latest Muck?
Well, I have been thinking about Armageddon.
Nice one!
Yes, I thought so too. Armageddon as we know was supposed to happen at the stroke of midnight 2000.
Yes, common knowledge there!
Well yes, but as we now know it never occured.
Hence our existence today!
Yes, indeed and correct. But I am thinking, where on this green earth was it to happen at midnight? Midnight New Zealand time? Midnight Abubu Dhabi time? Midnight Caracas time?
Quite a thinker you have there!
Yes, I think so too.
Great movie though!
Well yes, you are right there!
Steve Buscemi was great!
He always is!
Yuppers!
He was good in Con-air too!
Oh yes, hehe, yes. Always a good all round actor!
Star wars Episode 1 sucks though.
Hoo boy, yes!
You seen Bubba Ho-tep?
No.
Me neither.
Good ol' Brucie baby!
BRUCIE!
Cheers to Brucie!
Cheers and skol!
Gimme some sugar baby!
Groovy!
See this? This is my boom stick!
Oooooh, that's gotta hurt!
BRUCIE!
BRUCIE!

And there we part with the fine company of Muck and Gray.
Kanpai to you all!

The shareef don’t like it
Rockin’ the casbah
Rock the casbah
The shareef don’t like it
Rockin’ the casbah
Rock the casbah

Oh yeah

The shareef don’t like it
Rockin’ the casbah
Rock the casbah
The shareef don’t like it
Rockin’ the casbah
Rock the casbah

Oh yeah

Oh yeeeeeah

Spill the cider
spill the wine
It's all the same
white goddess of no glory
awaits the foolish
give her the ramblings of blind truth
the promises of nothingness
and the memory of cloud dreams
a life in a minute or a bottle
funky don't you think panther boy?
hark, hark, the lively arts do call

The cattle are weak
I sense their weaknesses
I will exploit them
Yes
I will
I am stealthful
I am crafty
I am invinsible
Yes
Oh yes
My money is safe
Very safe
They cannot touch it
My day is coming
Victory
Yes
I sense it
Muhahahahaha
Yes

Well, 10 000 Craddocks can't be wrong now can they?!

Through the sea I floated
Floated like a fish
Webs of carrion I did see
How beautiful
Enscapulating
Entrancing
Carry me down to the underside
The underbelly of the backside to nature
Show me the way to diviness
Ecstacy
Eternal visions of wonderment
And rise up, up to the surface
Watch the winged things fly overhead
Into the distance
And await their return
Like the song of the wide blue
It feasts apon my gaze
And tilts to the sun
A feast

Goodnight reverse psychology
Goodnight visions of grandiosity
Goodnight meekness
Goodnight mental instability
Goodnight over confidence
Goodnight kleptomaniac tendencies
Goodnight optimism
Goodnight brooding thoughfulness
Goodnight well balanced
Goodnight rabid creativeness
Goodnight master of none
May you all return in full capacity in the 'morn

Across the Moors came the beast.
It's head a horror of teeth, horns, and dark evil eyes.
It's 3 metre body muscular and dark
A long tail, razor sharp, ready to strike
Death followed the beasts tracks, trees burned, water turned to steam
The beast arrived at it's destination
End of thyme
End of valiant knights
End of tranquility
And dang, who cut the cheese?

300 steadfast ponies aimed their piercing stare at me. In one swift motion all of my past discrepancies caught up with me... wily ones the ponies.

Fundamentally (and strikingly so), the thought of Laplanders over-running the corral was just a tad morose to even contemplate.

Heyyyyy, how are you?
It's me Lenny of the Cow Bros.
Wow! We have had a great time recently.
We went to the big city and went to the recording studio and we met OZZY OSBOURNE!!
He didn't bite any chicken heads off but it was still cool to meet him. Hehe.
He was hard to understand but he taught us a lot of things like how to hold a bottle of beer correctly and how to get your own MTV show.
I really liked him.
We asked him to sing on one of our songs and he said yes or something that sounded like that...cool. So he will sing on our song 'Udder destruction'.
We recorded a bunch of songs for our UPCOMING ALBUM, cool! Heck will tell you about that later.
The big city was great although the lack of pasture was a concern. We had to raid a few of these Rugby field places a few times to get a decent meal, pretty hairy on the weekends!
I am totally off the grass now and I feel good. Don't do grass man, it melts your brain!
Anymoo, I have to go, see you around eh?!
Cheers!

Toady Bink Joes and Upton Greams had a quiet life in their downtown bungalow.
'Quiet life isn't it Upton?' said Toady to his good pal Upton.
'Why yes, yes it is Toady, indeed yes it is' replied Upton.
'Haven't seen the milkman for quite some time, what?' mused Toady.
'Hmm yes, you are right there Toady, very indeedly right and on the nose with that one. Although the rumour on the streets is that milkmen went out of business years ago with the proliferation of plastic bottles and supermarkets'.
'Oh. Well gosh yes, that does make sense...how wise are the ways of the street?...very I would say' said Toady somewaht musingly.
'Well Toady, how about we mosey on down to 'The splattered intestine' and have a few ales?' asked Upton.
'Smashing idea there Upton, brilliance in fact, I do feel like an escape from reality into the world of the alcoholic splendor of carelessness and inane banter'. replied Toady with unabandoned glee.
'Let's be off then' harked Upton.
And so they did.

The washing is on the line
The washing is on the line
Let's hope the sun comes out, 'cause the washing is on the line

Ohhh, I hung my sweater and my knickers
My socks and my scarf
So let's see some sunshine

Ohhh, the washing is on the line
Yes, the washing is on the line
The detergent is $1.99 and the softener is divine

The washing is on the line
Yup, the washing is on the line
Go away dirty diesel trucks, 'cause the washing is on the line

Ohhh, I hung my beret and my short shorts
My flannel and doilies, my coasters and table cloth
So wind do your stuff, oh please, do your stuff

Yes, my washing is on the line
My washing is on the line
So let's co-operate and have a successful day

A successful daaaaaaaaaay
La la!

A conspiracy.
I know the conspiracy.
The cattle, they are the ones.
JFK...the cattle.
Liberace...the cattle.
Yes.
Bermuda triangle...the cattle.
Yes, I know.
I must return.
To fight the cattle.
My money is safe.
Yes.
I have the edge.
I will succeed.
The cattle are not aware.
I am ready.
Yes.
Coming for you I am...
Hee hee.
Yes.

Mrs Blueandgreen, may I have your opinion on this matter please?
No, you may not.
Alrighty then.

Chew finks...
No, that's not it
Borgum Hoodaa
No, that ain't it either
Sheely Fumufums
Dang it!
Shippo Targuns
Oh shag!
Spiss spiss Nargoils
DANG IT!
Foosoo soo sums
THIS BITES BUMS!
Junky Busters
Blimin' heck
Grando Heek warbs
AHHH, that's it! Sheese!

Walking down the street one day I looked down and saw that I was about to step on a beetle.
I stopped and let him pass. The beetle stopped so I went down to ground level and said in a very quiet voice 'Sorry there little buddy, didn't see you almost'.
The beetle, who I decided to call'Mr Beetle', didn't say anything of course.
I looked for any visible signs that he recognised my presence or had accepted my apology, but as far as I could see he just seemed to be taking a rest.
After a few minutes he motored away into the grass and I never saw 'Mr Beetle' again.
So I continued on my way, and actually after the excitement of the last few minutes I had forgotten where I was going. How odd.
So I turned around and walked home.
On the way home I realised I had made a few mistakes talking to 'Mr Beetle'. My first mistake was to patronise the Beetle by calling him 'little buddy'...that ain't good. But it just seemed to be a natural thing to say. No harm was intended, that's for sure.
Secondly, and more damning was that I named him, and what's more I named him 'Mr Beetle'. He has his own name of course. I wouldn't go up to a stranger in the street and say 'Hey Joe Nibbles, do you have the time?'. No, I would say 'Excuse me sir, do you perchance have the time of day?'.
And I should not have assumed the Beetle was male by calling him Mister.
But the Beetle did not complain. That is the great thing about insects, they don't complain about their lot in life, they just get on with it and ignore all of the unneccessary stuff.
I think I will base my life around the Beetle philosophy this year. Last year it was the Dolphin philosophy which worked out quite well, but I guess it's time for a change.
Anyway, thanks for listening, have yourself a fab day won't you!