Here in Japan when you take a photo of something and you want to give an idea of it's size, you just place a cigarette packet or cigarette lighter next to it.
Well I think that says it all.

Have a good one eh!

Hopeful Bob explains how it is...

I would if I could
But I can't
So I won't
But believe me, I would if I could
But I just can't
It would be good if I could
But I can't do what can't be done
At least not right now
Maybe later
I could then
Maybe
Later that is
But just not right now
As I was saying before
Yes
Indeed
What did I say?

Drink beer be jolly

That one is blue
And this one is green
Now that's peculiar!
How can that be?
Ah yes!
It's all in the pudding of the pie or something...
Or is it just a feak of nature?
Spuds...can't live without em', thats for sure.
Bye Jerry-can, wouldn't want to be ya!
Number 7, quite a number.

Did you know that at any one time there are 100 lightning strikes every second on Earth?
Wowza!

His name is Tarsh. He is a Cossack.
In his younger days he was ruthless, cunning and as fiesty as any other Cossack.
He enjoyed life and was not afraid to live to the extremes of his abilities. In fact his Cossack friends called him 'the rampant bear', a name he was proud of.
Money nor love interested him, he lived to be a Cossack.
But time, as merciless as it is, has caught up with him.
His once handsome features have been replaced by weather beaten and craggy features. His body strong and athletic now a just a shadow of it's former self. His feistiness replaced by apathy and numbness.
His trusty horse of many a year ,'Sword of Damacles', mirrored his master's downfall, a true friend.
The public he once protected with admiration, now turned away in vicious disgust.
But today, today, he realised why his past life had come and gone. Why his glory was taken away from him. Why glory was replaced with shame.
All he did was look into the eye of 'Sword of Damacles', and he saw what he had known all along. We understand nothing about other creatures and about ourselves, and never will.

Well it sounded good at the time.

There it is...squash it at once!

Have you ever noticed that when you close your eyes you sometimes get a negative image of what you were last looking at?
I have. It's kinda neat.
Thanks.

Directions of the day

From Kew Place turn right and at the next corner turn left. At the bend go right and turn left at the first intersection. Go straight until you come to the end of the street. Turn right and go straight until you come the Papanui road intersection. Go through the intersection and go about 200m. On your right you will see the intermediate school I went to.
Many a memory I have from that place...can't think of any off-hand but I'm sure I do.
Thank you for your attention today.

Lunners
Lunners
Lunners
Go get em' Jabe
Lunners
Lunners
Lunners
Absolutely on the ball there, Ayke
Lunners
Lunners
Lunners
Oh fadge it!

Coconut jealousy
Coconut jealousy

We got it bad

Coconut jealousy
Coconut jealousy

Gimme one o' those

Coconut jealousy
Coconut jealousy

How in heck do I break it open?

Coconut jealousy
Coconut jealousy
Coconut jealouseeeeeeeee!

Smirking Johnson and his best bud Allen Faraway had known each other for yonks.
Actually they met in kindergarden and even went to the same university.
One might say they were like brothers.
One day Smirking Johnson said to Allen Faraway:
'You know, I think it is time I gave you a nickname Allen Faraway, what do you think?'
'Well I have been thinking the same thing, how so much like brothers we are!'
'Yes, fact that is! said Smirking Johnson with a smile.
'I think I will call you 'Brian Two-Graders'' then said Smirking Johnson.
'Heeeey, I like that, nice one there. I shall call you 'Peet and Moss'' said Allen Faraway.
'Farout and dandy to the maximum joy!' replied Smirking Johnson.
And so it was on that sunny summer's day that Smirking Johnson and Allen Faraway gave each other a nickname.
Being friends is about many things, but one can never undervalue the meaning of friendship when even simple things like giving your bud a new nickname can be of such joy and happiness that only good friends can ever understand.
Try it today.

Countryside council for Wales

I need extra needle pains on my forged pin-striped suit.
Give it to the man on the corner and tell him it is a Mutley decoder ring...he will do the rest, yes.
Thor, that is a big hammer, how jealous I am.
But if the wave descends apon that small island village and makes everything wet, how is the coconut harvest going to fare under such conditions? Well, I guess we could eat coconut curry for the next few dandy weekends and them some, eh Tonka George?
Put them through the ringer, maybe add some chilli powder, that will magnify the doo-dums and wa-channg!!
Toby, your nose is kinda weird, Princess Jane would not approve of such joviality. Get the torque wrench and let it rip!
Way way way...smacks of dribble-jacks if you ask me.
Puudff!

I hurted my head.
How dat happen?
I dunno.
Ooh it hurt bad.
Gotta get me some asprin.
Yeah.
Do dat.
Old rugby injury.
Maybe dats it, yeah.
Mary Jane, Mary Jane...

Hi. It's me, Sophie the mannequin.
Today I auditioned for the female lead opposite Brad Pitt in his next movie.
But I didn't get the part, they said I was too wooden!!
Heeheeheehee!
Mannequin joke!
Thank you darlings.

Da da dum dee dum
Dee dee dum dee dum
dum
da da da da dum
dee dee dum dee dum

Yup, you guessed it...Magnum P.I.!
Man he was cool!
And Higgins, Higgy-baby, he was great.
And then there was the helicopter pilot dude...wazzizname?
Oh yeah and the other guy, oh jeez, forgeddizname.
Did you realise it went for 8 seasons??! Sure did, yup.
And now there's gonna be a movie! Woo yeeeeah! Although Tom Selleck won't be Magnum, George Clooney will, which ain't so bad, he's cool too.
Have yourself a nice day!

Daisies and Pansies, Roses and Petunias, Marigolds and Amaranthus, Geraniums and Lilacs

They all smell good
Yes, they smell good

Lilies and Daffodils, Primrose and Snowdrops, Dahlias and Carnations, Orchids and Zinnias

They all smell good
Yes, they smell good

Oh yes they doooooo!

Ghee foolay halopps cojially meenee fust bukkets
Manun bilder krackni stoobay eff huggers
wunda way reams fo pookies
jubbs!

What does the future hold for us?
Tricky question.
Best answered by waiting a second or so.
Then wondering again.
Thank you.

'Cowtang'...is that a word or not?

I have this theory that we learn everything we need to know for our lives in our youth.
This means that after our youth finishes (about 25 years old or so) we are just re-hashing or repeating ideas we had when we were younger.
Does this seem logical to you?
Think about it.
The next time you come up with a brain-wave, try to remember if you had thought of it a long time ago but did act apon it.
And I just want to say that Subway is a dang great place to eat.

Spam of the day

I'm going to guarantee the results you will feel, and I'm going to back up everything I say with a room full of Doctors.

Over grand overtures.
Over grand overtures.
Do we need them?
Well maybe, yes.
For they are the spicy of life that keeps out the boredom and mediocrity.
If I could be at every concerto that man has created I would be learned indeed.
But I am not, mores the pity.
Carry on, carry on. Use your talents for more.
Your soul is not to waste on this Earth but to divide and conquer the ignorant masses that carry the bud of the race.
Juniper bushes may flourish, but human-kind is but a naive butler to the wide picture.
How now Mr Cow? Well you know more than me, enlighten my being to the worthiness of your wisdom.
Hail the Universe and its timeliness.

Nesting dolls. What a great concept.

Hi, it's me, Heck of the Cow bros.
Today Lenny was supposed to talk to you, but he is currently, ah, unable to chat, yeah.
He went down to the corner of the field where there are some special mushrooms and came back all loopy and happy. He said something about John Lennon then said he was going to teach the electric fence a lesson...good luck Lenny, yeah.
Anymoo, we have been talking about a name for our album, yeah. Well we each have a name and can't decide which to use yeah.
Gunther likes 'Bad Udders', Lenny has 'Hey Jip-jo' (Lenny is a bit weird sometimes...I think he will be the drummer!), and I have 'Where's the beef'.
So we are going to decide it by seeing who can pee on the electric fence the longest, WE'RE CRAZY!! Yeah.
I'll get back to you later, yeah

Strolling along the road on my way to the rice field I chanced apon my good buddy, Joe Piggles. Joe in his inimitable inimitableness was riding his unicycle and as usual was wearing his pride and joy, his 'Cat in the hat' hat.
'Hi Joe Piggles, how are you on this fine day?' said I.
'I am good, I am just riding along on my unicycle here and wearing my pride and joy. And how you be gallant fellow?' said Joe.
'I am goodly'.
'Where are you going Joe Piggles?'
'To the new round-a-bout on Greek and Haybean streets, I hear it's quite a good one'.
'Yes, I have heard that' said I. Actually I hadn't but you know how it is...
'Did you know that in Japan they don't have round-a-bouts?'
'NO, I did not. How odd and overly unusual. No round-a-bouts...' said Joe Piggles and then going into one of his brief trances. After which he said:
'I hope to see me a few cars go through there today'.
'Well I am sure you will' said I.
'Then I am going to my Aunt Mable's place to have a cup of tea and a natter'
'Oh great, please give her my warmest regards and best wishes'
'Oh that I will, indeed and alrighty then'
'Well I must go to the rice field Joe Piggles, have yourself a good day.'
'And you too gallant fellow. May the dark lord of the night not awaken the dogs of extremeliness and do nasty things to your front porch' said Joe Piggles.
He said funny things like that sometimes. I always wondered if he is making it up or has read too much Shakespeare which he has quite a healthy liking to. Never-the-less it is those small things in life that make the coming of the sun so much more pleasant and worthwhile everyday.
And there we parted, a brief encounter, probably soon to be forgotten but just one of many that string together the larger pictures of our lives.
Cups of tea for all.

On a T-shirt

ROUGH TEXTURE HAVE USUALLY BEEN

Once summer is well established
There is that feeling that it will go on forever
And everyone becomes complacent and
irritated with the heat, humidity and mosquitoes.

ON A WEATHERED OLD SHED

Hello everybody, it's me, Errol the mannequin.
As you can see I am naked.
Which has it's advantages.
For example I am quite a fast swimmer, because you see, I don't have to wear those ridiculous Speedos or goggles so I am very streamlined.
And I have no body hairs.
I can also twirl my arms and legs around like a windmill...it's impressive to see!
In fact I can beat the Olympic 100m record quite easily.
Yeah! Great! Hurrah!
Thank you very much.

Dibby dibby dibby dang dang dang
Dibby dibby dibby dang dang
Dibby doo dibby doo

Dibby dang dang dang
A dang dang dang
Dibby dibby dibby dang dang
Dibby dang

Dibby dang doo a hey
Dibby dang doo a hey
Hey hey hey

Wordup

My reply to spam(?)

tumble draw Ogilvy tarspeed,
hounded drop-jars looted overnight.
spent meanderings tapestry
corduroys pasted.

Spam (?) e-mail I received

satanick marched vented.
werker around, syllogism thonketh pestered.
swimming gibraltar languisht
overgrowth males.

lady jane, lady jane
answer your name and only yours
for it is sacred and beautiful
to the ears of all
flow over the sea like a dolphin
and over the land like a swift
dive into the water like a gannet
and feast like a lion
take a mind trip as a koala does
and sing like a canary
lady jane, lady jane
beast of the earth and diva of the night
have pity on our souls that roam with loneliness
the fish see your eyes
and the birds your underbelly
gimme your number

Bring me back
to the days
that I was there
and all over there
while I was
just a few degrees
short of beans
hum dee hum
ho dee ho

I have succeeded!
I lost them, the cattle.
They could not out-smart me!

I out-witted them with my wit.
I did...yes.

Hehe hoo hoo hehe

My money, my lovely money, all of it...mine.
Yes.

Yes.

Yes it is.

And my crown. Yes.

Spin the bend?
How do you do that?
With a leek?
Yes?
Could be right?
Do you think so?
Okay?
I'll give it a try eh?
Do you think it worked?
Is that a little bakelite chip there?
Think it could be?
Try it again?
Corn dogs?

Left foot, right foot, that's the way it goes
(way it goes, way it goes)

Left foot, right foot, that's the way it goes
(way it goes, way it goes)

Walkin' to the...MAILBOX!

Left foot, right foot, that's the way it goes
(way it goes, way it goes)

Left foot, right foot, that's the way it goes
(way it goes, way it goes)

Walkin' to the...MAILBOX!

HURRAH!

Name dropping

Keep Foo Ki
Hayman Steepler
Judd Bilter
Rags McBeats
Juju Indigo
Nina Cortina
Jeemi Obkouw
Jilly Qist
Wessel Jard Koover

Whadda dis b talkin bout?

If I could have chosen my name at birth I think I would have named myself 'Gomandon'.
How about you?
Niceties!

Mental note: Larkins

Another Digby and what's more, it's another Digby JONES.
These Digby Joneses, can't keep the tough buggers down ay?!
Good on ya Digby Jones.

SPOT THE DIGBY!

Which one is a Digby?
Pretty obvious really ain't it!?

Ta very much.

Digby. There's a name for ya...DIGBY!
Digby, Digby, Digby...Digby.
Digby.
Yeah! Digby...you da man!
Digby, Digby, Digbeeeeeeee.
Dig, Dig, Dig...DIGBY!

-The photo above shows a real life Hero Digby. Click on the pic to find out more about this extraordinary Digby-

As it goes by and far, it goes to and fro.

Recently I learned how not to have fun.
Now, you are probably wondering why I would not want to have fun.
That is a simple yet complicated question.
You see, we all have choices in life, be it whether to choose the brown one or the pale green one. Or whether to put the right shoe on first or the left. For most of us this is automatic...as for myself I put the right one on first, it seems natural.
But this brings us onto the whole concept of not knowing where we are.
I know where I am...or do I? Indeedy!
But what is fun exactly? Is it knowing something familiar then acting on it? Or is it scaring the bajeebas out of ourselves by going on a rollercoaster? I went on a rollercoaster once with my bro. It was supposed to be 2 circuits but they gave us an extra one for free because the park had just opened and they had no people waiting. We were both rather puke-laden after and decided the whole thing was not fun. But it seemed like a fun thing to do beforehand.
Sometimes not having fun is actually fun. For example: I once tried going to a church service. It seemed like a completely boring thing to do, with the ultimate goal being to not have fun. But it turned out to be fun. I saw a cross made of wood there and it had lots of holes in it. I remarked that it was the holy cross and thereafter it was just plain old fun being there.
So this brings me to not having fun and trying to do so.
I learned not to have fun by re-living those old fun moments. You see, re-living old moments seems like fun at first but you quickly get bored with it and several million brain cells die and you cease to have fun.
I am now quite a dull person.
Stuff it all!

ant stapler
mandril truncation
wee weevil hamster
overlay niggle nix
waver the frigates

Alfred Barstools a hobby, out of the can and stalk yes too. Grate is over the nine five six, been to much feeling trendy Kings Road alighten. Yeti toenails litter the rumour mill beef up the handyman centre. Ay ay ay, numb Carter mini speed on the .
Tea kiln set at fife lopesided. Ayk!

Bison Jones, edit Pansies into the field of dreams. If Pansies clash with the Kevin Costner, try Begonias. If the Begonias look pale , try Sunflowers. If the Sunflowers seem cheesy, try Dandelions. If Dandelions fuzz out the Costner give up and go for a latte.

Janie, ask the ferryman for change for a dollar. If he says I don't have change for a dollar ask for change for 50 cents. If he says ok, give him 50 cents then tell him you gave him a dollar and please give your dollar in 5 cent pieces.
He will probably be stupid and give you the money so go buy a latte.

Wayne, throw the towel into the ring, then go after the towel and find the towel where you threw it.
If it is not there then the towel was thrown too far. So you must find the towel in the vacinity of where you did throw it.
Apon finding the towel go back to where you threw the towel at first and throw it in the ring again.
Then walk away and have a latte.

Help yourself to beans
Help yourself to cups of nougat
Help yourself to handfuls of niceties
Help yourself to a bigger Rio Grande
Help yourself to the aromatics
Help yourself to hen circulars
Help yourself to beetie beetie
Help yourself to floor panelling
Help yourself to numb skillets

Be all that you may.

Hi everybody, it's me, Sophie the mannequin.
How have you all been?
I've been good.
Last night I went clubbing with my good friend Errol.
He is such a gentleman.
When we were dancing together my left leg fell off and broke.
Being the gentleman he is he gave me his left leg and he hop-danced the rest of the night!
What a guy!! Yeah, alright, fabulous!
See you.
Bye.

Hi there.
My name is Gunther.
My good pal Heck talked to you a while ago about our band 'The Cow bros'.
We are really serious about our band, y'know, but things are going slowly.
So far we have our name figured out and we have been working on our poses...we have that down pat now...please excuse the pun! Hee hee!
Anymoo, we are now making up song names for our first album. What do you think...?

Sweet clover (we borrowed the sweet bit from Black Sabbath)
Dang! Stepped in dung again!
Kick dog in face
Destroy electric fence (this will be a thrashy fast as heck song...woohoo!)
Nana (after Nana Mouskouri)
Bull rush da house (this will be our gangster rap song)
I got the greens

That's all we have at the moment.
Tonight we're gonna meet down at the haybarn to chew out a name for the album...excuse the pun! Hee hee!
So we'll see you around. Have yourself a good one.

The worst line William H. Macy has ever said

'Let's go home' - Jurassic park III

Goodnight digestion
Goodnight meiosis and mitosis
Goodnight vestibular system
Goodnight nephron tubes
Goodnight alveoli
Goodnight spleen
Goodnight ophthalmic artery
Goodnight gomphoses
Goodnight duodenum
Goodnight hair follicles
Goodnight navel

Nighty night.

Oh for Mandleson's sake, can't think of a heckin thing.
Go, go, root out the cause of it and rip it's training wheels off, doofy things.
AH, Puddle Mandy knows what it is, she hath the key to the righteous jungle jim blueprints.
Avast, and avar, call me dandy even but is that a ticket to the great mop orchestra...I think it is you know! Give ya my Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny and Griselda monket shine collection for it. No? Shazbud!
How timely, a handy day-a-hey to you and we three buddlings of Caribbean ancestry. Be quite and...Lorne Green! Yes, Lorne Green, finally remembered. He kicked some ass I'll tell you!
The letter K seems redundant to me really, do you really need it Gracie?
Laws of the Jungle permit me to face the west only when...Tripe Lord, you have returned master. I will do thy bidding, gimme lupins.
Owk!

Juan's way

Protest the overuse of exclamation marks.

Hard yakka
Hard yakka
Hard yakka

Too right, too right

By crikey!
By crikey!
By crikey!

She'll be right mate, she'll be right
She'll be right mate, she'll be right
She'll be right mate, she'll be right

It's buggered!
It's buggered!
It's buggered!

Yep, it's buggered.

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one, number one

Ooh yeah

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one, number one

Ooh yeah

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one, number one

Ooh yeah

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one, number one

Ooooh yeaaahhhhhhh

Cryogenic freezing...just what is all that about?
Ay?!

Hi.
I remember a band a long time ago called 'The Wonderstuff'. I think I liked them, although I remember the singer was bit of a Nermal.
When I think about them now I can only think 'What a doofy name'.
But that's just my opinion.
Bye.

Sqrt[-z] == (-I) Sqrt[z] /; Im[z] > 0 || Im[z] == 0 && Re[z] < 0

How do you like them apples?

Huh? Huh?

Prarie Tumbleweed farm

Yee-haw! We grow Tumbleweeds for a livin'!
Yip yip yee-haaa!
Yippee yi-oh!
Ding-dong-a-hey!
Grits, grits, where's ma grits?
Yippee-kai-ohhhh.

Musings of the fermented barley

Corn tablets.
Over dried.
Up the goat house.
Trees farmed by ex-sailors.
Dubloons sitting on the edges.
The sound of hooves.
Hash browns.
Myocardial infarction.
Black jellybeans.
Heated carpets.
Off kilter and out of whack.
Here comes the cat, prepare food at once.
Gorbachov, man of his word.
Indigo blue.
Equatorial Daisies.
Kevlar may be strong but it still breaks.
The Sitar - fine instrument.
Stapler or not?
Keen beaf steaks.
Badgers, Budgies and Buffoons.
Confucious liked playing music too.
Alien - one naughty beastie.
Wolf. Wolf. Wolf of the night.
London far away.
Jump to light speed.
Full of things but lacking in everything.
Brain scan reveals nothing.
Kippers?
Read my lips, Toucan bar-fly.
Weedle your way out of this one.
Bajesus!

Contents of my fridge

May 8th 0:31 Saturday

Orange juice - 2 cartons
Coffee - 1 carton
Jam - Blueberry
Coffee cans - Boss brand
Jam - Blackcurrant, 2 pottles
Fermented beans
Butter
Margarine
Yakisoba noodles - unfried
Yakisoba noodles - fried
Ham slices
Whitebait
Eggs
Curry - heat and eat
Milk - pasteurised
Barley tea - prepared
Coca-Cola - 1.5 L
Various sauces
Sundry spices

Bastard dictionary

Definition of the day: abnegate

Meaning: deny, renounce

Example: Shylock Bartoobs chose to abnegate the privileges of his wealthy upbringing, seeking instead a simple life helping those less fortunate than himself, then came to his senses and said 'Screw everybody, I am a rich bastard and that's what I will remain to be.'

Hi everybody.
We are the cow bros.
That's Lenny on the left, Gunther in the middle, and on the right is me.
My name is Heck, yeah.
We are just hangin' out in this photo, doing our cool cow pose.
We wanna be in a rock band someday, but it's kinda hard so we are just practising our posing for now, yeah.
Anymoo, we are all buddies. We are not actually bros but when we start our rock band that's what we will call ourselves, 'The Cow Bros', that is.
Our influences are Ozzy Osbourne (in his Black Sabbath days that is, yeah), Nana Mouskouri (actually we liked her glasses the best, they were cool...we will use some like hers in our stage act, yeah), Roxy Music (we want to be suave and sophisticated just like Brian Ferry, yeah), Kiss (Lenny wants to be like Gene Simmons, his tongue is long enough! Haha, yeah), Foo fighters (I wanna goatee just like Dave Grohl, yeah), and They might be giants (they have a song called 'Cowtown' so we think they are cool, yeah).
That's all the music we know actually because Farmer Nickles and his wife don't play much other music on their stereo, just those bands basically. They know we like it so they play it loud for us which is really decent of them, especially since Gunther is a little deaf after his electric fence incident.
We are not sure how we're gonna play our instruments yet, because you know, hooves are not all that useful for anything except walking and kickin stuff. Buy hey, if you want to do something really badly you can do it right?! Yeah.
Well I have to go, me and the bros are gonna check out that juicy lookin' patch of grass over the other side of the field yeah.
Take care of yourself eh? Yeah.

Goodnight Speed of Light
Goodnight Change of State
Goodnight Can do Will do
Goodnight Static Electricity
Goodnight Forward Motion
Goodnight Open and Close
Goodnight Found it
Goodnight Corealis Effect
Goodnight Good Idea
Goodnight Wait for Glue to set
Goodnight Gear Change
Goodnight Pick up
Goodnight Say Again?
Goodnight Clinking of Change

Sleep tight and see you in the morning!

Mandy, Mandy!
Go around the outside then make your way back and crease.
Up the escalator is yes by far now Travis Tritt.
Doggie gone, doggie gone, paper on the credit card and numbers too.
Pour it slowly down to the fan switch and surge a bolt of dumb hey I can listen!
Pick up the divits and post them to Equator Joe, he needs a lift, poor fellow.
The Doobie brothers? Yeah heard of them, or should I say heard them! Haha!
Cut a swathe of dressing gown aromatherapy bungee cord just let go, ooh ground coming up fast!
Predict, predict, that's all you dang people ask me to do...dang, forgot my shopping list!
Well, oil, egg soup and spray bottles are the mainstay of the economy, bite grass and tweed, actually guitar picks are making a comeback.
Chow!

Hello chaps. It is I, Errol the Mannequin esquire.
How do you like my British accent today?!
We mannequins are experts at acting you know. What!
By jove , yes!
Well I must go down to the lounge for gins and smoke my pipe...cheers my good fellows.
Ta ta!

Hi men!
This is a Komatsu PC 5500 Excavator...ain't she a beauty!
It's got 2 Komatsu SSA12V159 diesel engines and a 2520 HP, 1880 kw flywheel. That's some serious grunt! YEAH!
With an operating weight of 51 tonne no one is gettin' in yo way!! MOVE OVER YUPPIE !!
The bucket capacity is 28 square metres...are you gettin' excited?! WOW! YEAH!!
The diggin' depth is 7.6m and the reach is 17.6m...them's some BIG ASS numbers!
Gonna get me one o' those today!! YEAH!! MAUL EM' MAUL EM' !!

So how did Socrates die?

Well it's simple, he drank Hemlock and died.

Captain Craddocks

The Core
I am watching a DVD called 'The Core' right now.
Here is a real time commentary...

Chaos. Lots of people drop dead.
Some scientist dude is taken away by some suits.
Meets Serge, scientist friend.
Big room full of dead bodies on tables.
Why did they die?
Hmm, they all had pacemakers...a clue!
E.M. pulse?...couldn't be, surely not, naaa.
Ooh, suicide pidgeons in London.
Scientists guy is on the case! What a guy!
Heroin is landing the Space shuttle...oh no, Commander Bastard takes over.
Oh oh, shuttle is out of course...gonna land in L.A.
Houston, clear a freeway!
Heroin takes control...wahoo!
Gonna land in riverway...the one where T2 was filmed...cool.
Greeat landing, yeah, woooo!
Doc Kazinsky, smug scientist, reads scientist guys theory about the end of the world.
'No, I don't believe it...I didn't think of it first' says Doc Smug.
Scientist guy leaves, Doc Smug pulls Top Secret file out of file cabinet...ooh a conspiracy!
Doc Smug calls military suit...'Time is short' he says.
The two suits pick up scientist guy from bar. 'Let's go Pentagon, meet boss' they say.
'Wassup?' say Pentagon suits.
'E.M. field is buggered' says scientist guy.
Uses a peach to explain his theory to Pentagon suits...nice!
'The core of the Earth ain't spinnin!'
'Shag!' say the suits. 'Whadda we do, whadda we do?'
'Let's go to the core!' say Pentagon suits.
'Can't' says scientist guy.
'Can'
'Can't'
'Freakin' better..can'
'Can't man, geddit?'
'Maybe we can' says smug scientist.
Mad inventor shows his SUPER DRILL...yowzaa!
Another SUPER LASER DRILL thingy...wow!
Mad inventor is on it!!
'Make it work in 5 months' says a suit.
'Sure, gimme 50 million dollars...hahahaha!'
'Sure, take a cheque?' says the suit...great comic relief there!
Recruiting geeky teenage computer dude...super hacker...need one o' those.
He's hostile to suits, scientist talks him into it.
'I'll do it...gimme stuff' says geeky guy.
Shuttle heroin is on a new mission...didn't see that a comin'!
Smug scientist wants to be in charge of the mission. 'No way Jose' says suit. 'Scientist guy is the hero man'
The 'Terranauts' meet...heroin thought up that name!
'How we gonna do this?'
'Blow up 5 nukes near the Core man!'
'YEAH!!'
'Can't let the world know about this mission'
Geek will stop information about mission on the internet...he da man!
Practising on SUPER DRILL vehicle...not good, not good.
Pep talk from Commander Bastard to Heroin 'Be strong!'.
High level static discharge...oh oh!
Rome is in trouble...lightening destoys the Colloseum and Rome...nice SFX!
'We gotta go...NOW'
'Let's do it...yeah!
'Let's name the SUPER DRILL'
'It's Virgil' says mad inventor.
'We're off'
Virgil caught in whirlpool.
'Can't...control...controls...not...responding'.
SUPER DRILL starts in the nick of time...whew!
'All systems green...alright!!'
Entering mantle...hot baby!
Uh oh...Virgil enters empty space...crikey!
Ouch, ooh, arrghh!
Virgil stops. 'Shut down SUPER LASER DRILL.'
Gotta go outside and find out what is in the way.
SUPER LASER DRILL blocked by giant crystal...'What we gonna do?'
Oh oh...magma leaking in from above, gonna cook us all...cut the crystal with PUNY LASER DRILL quickly!!
PUNY LASER DRILL damaged, needs oxygen.
'Here, use my space suit oxygen supply' says scientist guy.
PUNY LASER DRILL is working!!
Scientist guy collpases, but he is ok.
Drilling finished, let's go.
'Commander Bastard killed by falling shard, falls into lava...ouch!
Lets go go go!
Safe!
Practise arming nukes! Working AOK!
Hey lookee...big diamonds!
Prepare for diamond collision!
Weapons control damaged. Serge locked in there!
Save him!
Serge crushed then fried in magma.
'Good to go, let's do this!' says Heroin.
Problem!
This ain't gonna work!
Nukes not big enough.
Smug scientist calls suit...'Destiny is a go'
'Wazzat?' says everybody.
'Weapon in cold era to make big quakes...kill them commies!'
Heroin angry. 'Why didn't you tell us about Destiny?'
'It was super top secret' says suit.
Going to plan B, use Destiny, but maybe destroy Earth.
'NO! Let's go to plan C' says scientist guy. 'We blow up the nukes and all die'
'Let's do it' says Heroin.
Smug scientist very angry, 'I don't wanna die'.
Mad inventor knocks him out.
Problems on surface.
Super microwaves fry the Bay bridge and San Fransisco...many cooked.
Power is being lost to fire Destiny. Suit guy wants to fire it soon...bad man!
Scientist guy asks geek to find Destiny, 'Stop it'.
Geek finds it easily with satellite.
Smug scientist comes up with a plan...just when you thought he was going nuts! Yay!
It's gonna work! Yeah baby!
Geek tries to foil Destiny...tricky!
Problem!
Have to release hydraulic thingy to separate nukes...one of use has to go into scrawl space filled with 9000 degree hot air to do it.
Draw straws.
Mad inventor rigs it so he loses.
Dang its hot in there!
He did it!
He was a good man, but we got a job to do...
Dropping bombs.
Geek stops Destiny...wahoo!
Oh oh...problem with bomb.
Oh oh, scientist guy trapped by bomb.
30 secs to eject.
Smug scientist trapped now, Scientist guy free.
'Go, leave me' says Smug.
Need fuel rods to make last bomb blow bigger...intense!
Fuel rods hot...Scientist guy got hot hands!
Last bomb ready. Yeah!!
'I'm hurt...ouch!' says scientist guy.
Bum, can't go back to surface, Virgil broken.
Ah well...we are still heros!
'We gonna die'
Ah well.
'Hmm...I have a plan' says Scientist guy.
'Let's do it!!'
Bombs going off...woooo yeah!
Hurry!
Smug talking to himself...dies laughing.
'We got full rotation of core!!!'
Waahoo, yeah, alright, yowzaa, dat's good!
Virgil gets outta there just in time! Whew!
Big quake shakes da place.
Gotta fly Virgil without SUPER LASER DRILL...use your skills Heroin!
'It's tricky' says Heroin.
'You can do it!' says Scientist guy.
Virgil out of power at bottom of sea, almost made it...what we do?
'I gotta plan' says Scientist guy.
U.S. Navy looking for Virgil...wazzat on sonar?
'Whales...hmm'
'Well I give up' says suit'
'Whales...hmm' says Geek.
'Hmm...AH HA...the whales, that's it!!'
'Find the whales!'
Helicopter pilot: 'I found da whales and there's something below them.'
Why its them!
'We're saved!
'You should join NASA' says Heroin.
'Naa' says Scientist guy.
Closing scene: Geek uploads 'Unsung heroes - these guys saved us all' file to internet, talk of the world!
'They saved us! Thanks a lot' says citizens of Earth.

What a great movie. I am a better person because of it! Bring on the sequel!

heaving nitogen needle
goitre Mandy kilt
heffer asphalt primate
beatnit ranch indigo

Dwayne, Dwanye look for the Moose finder,
or is it the Tarquin drier of Craddocks?
Keep it moot or the subcutaeous tissue will dissolve like John there you are!
Heyyyy! I caught the dribble from my cat's auto-pilot.
Well Amudsen, you did well, take a break!
Fnarrf!

Hi everybody, it's me Sophie.
Today it's raining.
For a mannequin rain is no problem.
We just take a taxi!
Yeah, alright, fun yeah!
Bye!

Da cows, they be watchin' me.
I know.
I caint do anythin' without them knowin'.
Beware da damn cows.

Mr. Bruce Johnstone of the day

Jazz musician of the day - Mr. Bruce Johnstone.

Real estate agent of the day - Mr. Bruce Johnstone.

Dick Emery

M
e
l
o
n
t
i
c
k
l
e
j
a
n
e
haddock

I ran as fast as I could.
They chased me.
But I lost them, hee hee, yes I did!

The cattle, they know what I did...
But I showed them, I showed them, oh yes!
I am smarter than they are, yes, yes I am.
Mu, mu, muhahahahahaha!

But wait.
I smell them.
They are near.
Must be vigilant, yes.

Hi. It's me, Errol the mannequin.
This is me close-up!
Notice my nifty moustache?
My friend Sophie painted it on for me!
Isn't it just fab?!!
Yeah baby! Far out!
Bye for now!

去るとんかつドン右ハンドル
どんどこどん願う自身卵かわいい

Behold the High tighty of Needs.
He comes to the place you are at and tightens all of the loose screws in your tables or chairs.
Fear not, be afraid not, for he is your friend and savior.
We salute you, the shadow of the night.
Our trust be with you even if our soles do not happen so.

One day I was walking down the main street in little Sunnyvale Village on my way to pick some strawberries at old Mrs Teedles fruit and berry farm up the hill near Mr Beeters cow and chicken palladium, which I hoped to visit on the way back from Mrs Teedles, if I had time after my strawberry frolockings which I was so looking forward to all week and then some past that.
I chanced apon the village barber, Mr Gravy-Train, out to get his morning paper at Mrs Neekers' pie-saloon.
'Hello Mr Gravy-Train' I called out, 'How are the twins today?'.
'Oh they are fine thank you young squire, getting all the more cheeky by the day they are!'
'Oh thats nice. I'm on my way to Mrs Teedles, care to join me in some picking of strawberries and such like?'
'Oh, don't mind if I do! I'll be right with you, I'll see if our lad Beetles wants to come along'
'Right O' replied I.
While I was waiting I sat on the farm gate to Mr Fakir's lupin farm. Off in the distance I could see him astride his great horse, 'Mr Pith', getting ready to sow some Lupin seeds.
'A'hoy there farmer Fakir' I bellowed.
'A'hoy to you young squire' he replied in his usual gruff voice. 'What are you up to son?'
'I'm off to Mrs Teedles fruit and berry farm to pick some delicious strawberries, care to join Mr Gravy-Train, our lad Beetles and myself?'
'Why that I would young squire' he replied happily 'I'll bring 'Mr Pith' with me, he loves a strawberry or two!'
'Delightful' said I in return.
Shortly after My Gravy-Train and our lad Beetles arrived, both with grins the size of Salamanders on their faces.
So we went strawberry picking and had a rollocking time.

BACK OFF MAN!!
Back off I say.
Watch it! You try that again and I'll...BACK OFF!
You're pushing me too far, I'm gonna do something both you and I will regr...BACK OFF!!
My fury hath no pity on your ass, man, so back off right now...
I'm really gonna do some damage to your person, you'll be in traction for months.
HEY, STOP THAT, BACK OFF!

Oh! It's you Bruce! Hey sorry man, didn't know it was you.
Yeah, how you doing?
Me? Oh pretty good, thanks for asking...

Spuuuuurn tugger
Spuuuuuuuuurn tugger
Spurn tugger
Suuuupuuurrrrrrrnn tugger
Che che che che
Spuuuuuurn tugger