Friday, April 30, 2004
Joe Tables' side of the conversation...
Yes, yes, hmm
I see, hmm, yes
Is that a fact?, yes, yes, hmm
Oh I know! yes, yes, hmm
Blimey! Yes, I see, hmm, yes
Well that is so isn't it, yes, hmm
Oh but of course, of course , yes, yes, hmm
Oh I will, I will, yes. yes, of course yes, hmm
Ok then, alrighty, yes , hmm
I'll put it above the mantlepiece at the stroke of midnight then, hmm, yes
Rightly so, yes, hmm
Ok then, right, right, yes, hmm
Yes, yes, hmm
I see, hmm, yes
Is that a fact?, yes, yes, hmm
Oh I know! yes, yes, hmm
Blimey! Yes, I see, hmm, yes
Well that is so isn't it, yes, hmm
Oh but of course, of course , yes, yes, hmm
Oh I will, I will, yes. yes, of course yes, hmm
Ok then, alrighty, yes , hmm
I'll put it above the mantlepiece at the stroke of midnight then, hmm, yes
Rightly so, yes, hmm
Ok then, right, right, yes, hmm
Hi everybody!
I'm Sophie the mannequin
You know, being a mannequin is grrreat
for example,
I can paint my makeup on!
Wow! Oh yeah!
Isn't that just a knockout?!
Bye!
Old sea shanty
yo ho ho
the gingerbread man hey! hey! hey!
just pay the ferryman and then ye can do it, do it
yeah!
corn dog, oh corn dog, sits on a pile o' mattresses
yo ho ho
buy one for the lad, buy one for the lady
but don't buy one for ye'self, oh yeah yeah yeah
flyin o'er the sea on a bucket of whey
a hey hey hey
me compass points this way so I go that-a-way
takes me to Jamaica, ketchy ketchy, shuby, shuby
yo ho ho
tape me index finger to me lapel, yeah yeah ho ho
thats the way it go
a hey ho
tum tum tee tum
tee ta tum tum tum
tee ta tee ta too
too too tee too
hum he hom ho
la dee dee da dee
ya hoo hee hoo
tum tum tee tum tum
too tum too tum to
Thank you
tee ta tum tum tum
tee ta tee ta too
too too tee too
hum he hom ho
la dee dee da dee
ya hoo hee hoo
tum tum tee tum tum
too tum too tum to
Thank you
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Hi. I'm Errol the mannequin.
Today I went fishing.
Which is kinda hard for a mannequin, as we don't have elbow joints.
I ended up hooking the back of my head most of the time.
But it's ok, we mannequins don't have a stomach, let alone a digestive system.
Thank you.
Another OEM e-mail software blurb thingy...
Reproof on her lips, but a smile in her eyes.
In practical life the wisest and soundest people avoid speculation.
Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic, for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt.
Smith and Wesson or a Colt always beat four aces.
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
Some people use one half their ingenuity to get into debt, and the other half to avoid paying it.
No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation and its destiny.
The first proof of a person's incapacity to achieve, is their endeavoring to fix the stigma of failure on others.
A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but towns people worry all the time.
You are not very good if you are not better than your best friends imagine you to be.
I'm not here for your amusement. You're here for mine.
One of the horrors of hell is the undying memory of a misspent life.
No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.
One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Reproof on her lips, but a smile in her eyes.
In practical life the wisest and soundest people avoid speculation.
Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic, for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt.
Smith and Wesson or a Colt always beat four aces.
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
Some people use one half their ingenuity to get into debt, and the other half to avoid paying it.
No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation and its destiny.
The first proof of a person's incapacity to achieve, is their endeavoring to fix the stigma of failure on others.
A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but towns people worry all the time.
You are not very good if you are not better than your best friends imagine you to be.
I'm not here for your amusement. You're here for mine.
One of the horrors of hell is the undying memory of a misspent life.
No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.
One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Origin of 'Scot free'
As with the word hopscotch, scot free has no connection with Scotsmen, frugal or otherwise. It’s a Scandinavian word meaning “payment”. The expression derives from a medieval municipal tax levied in proportional shares on inhabitants, often for poor relief. This was called a scot, as an abbreviation of the full term scot and lot, where scot was the sum to be paid and lot was one’s allotted share. (This tax lasted a long time, in some places such as Westminster down to the electoral reforms of 1832, with only those paying scot and lot being allowed to vote.) So somebody who avoided paying his share of the town’s expenses for some reason got off scot free. It was also used for a payment or reckoning, especially one’s share of the cost of an entertainment; when one settled up, one “paid for one’s scot”. Again, someone who evaded paying their share of the tab got off scot free. It’s been suggested that this usage may have come from the old habit of noting purchases of drinks and the like by making marks on a slate, or scotching it, but the evidence suggests this is just a popular etymology, and that the usage comes from the same idea of a sum due to be paid.
Indeedy!
As with the word hopscotch, scot free has no connection with Scotsmen, frugal or otherwise. It’s a Scandinavian word meaning “payment”. The expression derives from a medieval municipal tax levied in proportional shares on inhabitants, often for poor relief. This was called a scot, as an abbreviation of the full term scot and lot, where scot was the sum to be paid and lot was one’s allotted share. (This tax lasted a long time, in some places such as Westminster down to the electoral reforms of 1832, with only those paying scot and lot being allowed to vote.) So somebody who avoided paying his share of the town’s expenses for some reason got off scot free. It was also used for a payment or reckoning, especially one’s share of the cost of an entertainment; when one settled up, one “paid for one’s scot”. Again, someone who evaded paying their share of the tab got off scot free. It’s been suggested that this usage may have come from the old habit of noting purchases of drinks and the like by making marks on a slate, or scotching it, but the evidence suggests this is just a popular etymology, and that the usage comes from the same idea of a sum due to be paid.
Indeedy!
Arr, me hearties, it is I "Two tooth Blackheart".
Fear me name, FEAR ME NAME.
Oil cut your heart out and feed it to me Canaries, that I will.
Arr.
What happens when you look at your finger backwards?
Well who knows because it is impossible for us to do so.
Oh sure, you could use a mirror but then it would be backwards and in reverse.
Hey, I just remembered a record shop I used to go to, Mousetrap records...funny how things trigger your mind like that, ay?
Gollops.
Well who knows because it is impossible for us to do so.
Oh sure, you could use a mirror but then it would be backwards and in reverse.
Hey, I just remembered a record shop I used to go to, Mousetrap records...funny how things trigger your mind like that, ay?
Gollops.
Cheese
I have an over-whelming urge to talk about cheese.
So I will.
Cheese is the most natural and oldest way of preserving the nutrients in milk. Popular belief has it that a shepherd in about 4,000 BC carrying milk in a pouch made from a sheep’s stomach accidentally discovered cheese. The rennet from the sheep’s stomach lining and heat from the sun separated the milk into curds and whey.
Ah, I feel better now. Thanks.
I have an over-whelming urge to talk about cheese.
So I will.
Cheese is the most natural and oldest way of preserving the nutrients in milk. Popular belief has it that a shepherd in about 4,000 BC carrying milk in a pouch made from a sheep’s stomach accidentally discovered cheese. The rennet from the sheep’s stomach lining and heat from the sun separated the milk into curds and whey.
Ah, I feel better now. Thanks.
My day
Well, I got up late because my son James kept on kicking me in his sleep...still not used to that, so I slept in.
Then I spoke English a lot to a Japanese lady.
Then I went to kindergarden and shouted out a lot of simple English words to 40 or so nuclear-powered Japanese kids for an hour, while they kicked, punched and did generally nasty things to me.
Then I went to another place and shouted out more advanced English to more nuclear-powered kids, with only a few nasty things done unto me.
Then I went to yet another place and spoke decent English to a couple of guys who spoke decent English back.
Then I went home.
Then I went out to dinner with Setsuko and James.
We had Chinese food.
Then we came home.
Setsuko and James went to bed.
Then I spent ages doing stuff.
Now I am writing this.
Isn't life a gas?
The CD is on the floor
The CD is on the floor
Pick it up, by the edge
Pick it up, by the edge
So it's not there any more
So it's not there anymore
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
New swear words:
Craddocks!
Futney!
Waggernuts!
Doogie Howsers!
Jabbutts!
Butsnarfers!
Oh wiggles!
King of all Doogies!
Mary Blighter and the Kreole fascination
I rememebr the rickets that Uncle Jakes cat had. Oh come on now!
I rememebr the rickets that Uncle Jakes cat had. Oh come on now!
How to rite a blog
it pretty simple really.
just fink up some stuff eh. and den you rite it down and you feels all smugs wif yourself eh!
but sometimes right, you can't fink of stuff, dey calls it finkers block or summing.
wen dis appens ya just right down any ol crap. like right now i am lookin at a box of cornfrakes soes i rites down 'corn frakes'...geddit?
lets try dat eh?
pentel infantry mama fast lane
alien sony jovan noir van
margarita candy stick bomber
par avion 120GB cool water
crusader die cast vaio designed for wehrmacht
hey now dats pretty choice eh bro?!
fanks
it pretty simple really.
just fink up some stuff eh. and den you rite it down and you feels all smugs wif yourself eh!
but sometimes right, you can't fink of stuff, dey calls it finkers block or summing.
wen dis appens ya just right down any ol crap. like right now i am lookin at a box of cornfrakes soes i rites down 'corn frakes'...geddit?
lets try dat eh?
pentel infantry mama fast lane
alien sony jovan noir van
margarita candy stick bomber
par avion 120GB cool water
crusader die cast vaio designed for wehrmacht
hey now dats pretty choice eh bro?!
fanks
"This is maths teacher Dobbins calling science teacher Biggs. Come in, roger roger, 10-4, Bobs your uncle..."
Monday, April 26, 2004
Earthquakes
Saw this TV programme tonight about quakes.
Seems as though animals can figger out when a quakes gonna happen by the static electricity that is produced by the tectonic plates before a big shaker.
Cats and dogs and mouses and sundry other critters all go bananas when they get these little shocks. Can't say I blames the buggers!
Buts I ain't got no animal in ma house dang it!
Saw this TV programme tonight about quakes.
Seems as though animals can figger out when a quakes gonna happen by the static electricity that is produced by the tectonic plates before a big shaker.
Cats and dogs and mouses and sundry other critters all go bananas when they get these little shocks. Can't say I blames the buggers!
Buts I ain't got no animal in ma house dang it!
GODDAM!
Gotta get me one o' those!
Beef
If I could count the beef...
1, 2 , 3.
That ain't so hard!
Ah, but you see it is not the beef that you are counting...oh no!
Where does the beef come from?
Yes, cows!
Fooled you!
Ha!
If I could count the beef...
1, 2 , 3.
That ain't so hard!
Ah, but you see it is not the beef that you are counting...oh no!
Where does the beef come from?
Yes, cows!
Fooled you!
Ha!
Doogie
Doogie woogie doogie woogie...Doogie!
That guy on the left is cool! Eh?!
Doogie woogie doogie woogie...Doogie!
That guy on the left is cool! Eh?!
Long live Sigmund.
Today
Today I went out for a drive with James and Setsuko.
We went to D2, then Watahan, then a sports shop, then Pain de Bon, then D2 again.
We bought a picnic table, 2 chairs and a kids-sized chair.
We plan to go to the beach in Golden week and have BBQ with the Hirayamas.
It will be good.
But a Japanese BBQ is different. We will cook fried noodles and have meat wrapped in lettuce. Great! But I don't miss burnt sausages and beef.
Hail the japanese BBQ!
Now the day has drawn to an end and another week looms it's dreary head. Will it be good or bad? Who knows?!
Just another piton in the rock wall of life eh?!
Today I went out for a drive with James and Setsuko.
We went to D2, then Watahan, then a sports shop, then Pain de Bon, then D2 again.
We bought a picnic table, 2 chairs and a kids-sized chair.
We plan to go to the beach in Golden week and have BBQ with the Hirayamas.
It will be good.
But a Japanese BBQ is different. We will cook fried noodles and have meat wrapped in lettuce. Great! But I don't miss burnt sausages and beef.
Hail the japanese BBQ!
Now the day has drawn to an end and another week looms it's dreary head. Will it be good or bad? Who knows?!
Just another piton in the rock wall of life eh?!
Jurgen Bighter Blaster, how sweet thy seaweed pickings.
Normal tasty octopus jettison faster nighty-gowns are just the master of plains men.
If you had a craddock, I would call it Michael Beatings and be with it.
But alas and alack, it is just another cordial greeting and how do you do?
The aromatic delights that favour our nasal openings are just another Jeremy Beadle promise, all nice and dandy, but just over-wobbled inklings of persuasion.
Tomorrow I shall drink to your jack rabbit needle thrustings, and chow down to a meal of envy and greed for it is a free world huh?!
Or is it?
No matter, because the Jum jums have the final say in all that is terrestrial.
Hail the Jum jums!
Sunday, April 25, 2004
At the bottom of a spam e-mail advertising cheap OEM software:
shepard icicle compete becky carol rushmore defiant inapt clasp biennial blimp drill aviate norman cantle schubert
amino expatiate cowpoke wipe bikini alterate architectural carlyle cyanide pageant year puerto workout a ink discuss jure cottony conifer autocratic
shepard icicle compete becky carol rushmore defiant inapt clasp biennial blimp drill aviate norman cantle schubert
amino expatiate cowpoke wipe bikini alterate architectural carlyle cyanide pageant year puerto workout a ink discuss jure cottony conifer autocratic
Doogie!
Doogie Howser!
How can you ever forget that name?
Doogie Howser!
How can you ever forget that name?
Seek the trees
Seek the trees
We all seek the trees
Seek the trees
Seek the trees
Wonderful, wonderful, oh yes
Seek the trees
Seek the trees
From ol' Blarney town
Hi.
I'm Sophie.
I'm a mannequin.
It's cool being a mannequin.
Did you meet my mannequin friend Errol?
Bye for now.
Hi.
I'm Errol.
I'm a mannequin.
My mannequin friend is Sophie.
See ya round.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Hi there.
I'm Oscar Goldman.
It's my job to make sure Steve Austin kicks ass.
He's good at kickin' ass.
He beat up a Yeti once.
But I get to wear the stylee suits.
That's my thing.
Yeah, right on!
R R R R R R R R....R R R R R R RAAAAAM
RUM RUM rum rum rum rum
Raaaaa rum rum rum rum rum rum
RUM RUM RUM RUM
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAm RUM RUM RAAAAAAAAAAAAm RUM RUM
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RUM RUM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAm
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RUM RUM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM M M M M
mmm m m m m m RUM RUM m m m m m m m m m mmmm
RAAAAMmmmm
Friday, April 23, 2004
Hi Jilly-Bob
Hi Tanker Jones
Hi Leaf Jakeson
Hi Harn Tucky
Hi Boof Linger-over-there
Hi Marbles Nougats
Hi Wiggles Boffo
Hi Mary Quant
Hi Jeeves Two-bars
Hi Beef the Ark
Hi Stew Potsdam Declaration
Hi Mai Tai George-Haven
Hi Books O' Shrubs
Hi Jiji Quarter Lumps
Hi A To We
Hi Garg Ream
Note to self:
Re-arrange fridge magnets. Buy more if needed.
Re-arrange fridge magnets. Buy more if needed.
Woohee, wa haar
Ya, ya, ya, yahoooo
Hootah, oh yeah
I am da man, I AM DA MAN
Yeah baby yeah
Dang I'm good, YEAH
Moose pie, moose pie
Waaaaaaahaaaaaaheyyyyy
Woopee ding dong-a-hey
Yup, yup, yuppeee
Ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding
Yowzaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Choice, chooooiiice
Far out and funky, ooh-hooooo
Kravitz!!!!
Thursday, April 22, 2004
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
Yes, indeed we do
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
We believe in them so
Put one in your pillow at night
Or one in your mop bucket by day
It's all ok
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
If Fran Tarkenton endorses them
Then that's hip with us
Because he is the MAN
We like booter scoops
We like booter scoops
We like booter scooooooooops
Jum-jums
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Ah! Memories!
I went to a primary school called 'Glenmoor Primary' a long time ago, about 1977 actually.
I remember it being about 1977 because that was when Star Wars came out and I remember very well running around the playground at playtime with my friends pretending to be Stormtroopers...running around.
Anyhoo, there was a new student who joined our class about half way through the year, but dang it, I just can't remember his name...we shall call him Tobe Hooper for convenience sake.
One day Tobe Hooper came to school with a hat on and was bald underneath. We said to him: 'Hey Tobe Hooper, why are you bald?' To which he replied 'Oh, yeah, ah, my mother made a big mistake when she was cutting my hair so she cut it all off'
'Oh I see' said my friends and I.
But I am beginning to suspect now that Tobe Hooper was not telling the truth. Something just doesn't seem right.
Maybe I can find out.
But I just can't remember his flingin' flangin' name.
I went to a primary school called 'Glenmoor Primary' a long time ago, about 1977 actually.
I remember it being about 1977 because that was when Star Wars came out and I remember very well running around the playground at playtime with my friends pretending to be Stormtroopers...running around.
Anyhoo, there was a new student who joined our class about half way through the year, but dang it, I just can't remember his name...we shall call him Tobe Hooper for convenience sake.
One day Tobe Hooper came to school with a hat on and was bald underneath. We said to him: 'Hey Tobe Hooper, why are you bald?' To which he replied 'Oh, yeah, ah, my mother made a big mistake when she was cutting my hair so she cut it all off'
'Oh I see' said my friends and I.
But I am beginning to suspect now that Tobe Hooper was not telling the truth. Something just doesn't seem right.
Maybe I can find out.
But I just can't remember his flingin' flangin' name.
On a kid's T-shirt:
ABILITY
There is some dignity about him that prevents us from critisizing him.
ABILITY
There is some dignity about him that prevents us from critisizing him.
A poem for Descartes
Descartes, Descartes
You bastard.
Little known famous last words
Julius Caesar - 'Vae! Meus cena absens' (Dang it! There goes my lunch.)
Julius Caesar - 'Vae! Meus cena absens' (Dang it! There goes my lunch.)
Monday, April 19, 2004
"The cattle are watching me...yes they are.
Tell them to stop...stop...stop!!
Who are you?
WHAT ARE YOU?...crazy??
NO, don't say that...the cattle are watching me... and yoooou.
Oooh...money, hmm yes!!
NO, NO...the cattle will see, hide it..."
I see your face because it is forlorn turkey faster.
Crowd the tunnel with Peter-boy trinkets and such like, it adds to the flavour of nickels while easily baiting those myriad colours of the treacle farm business.
Ah! Faintner, you are indeed the blossom of the sky and needler of car salesmen, do your best!
This adds up to nowt...heeehee, did that a fine one on your pasty neck! Bove be his name to the markets and hearts of the catwalk goddesses.
For I like not all that is of the pleating parade and gills of men, but also of the fine amber beasts that so delight the far nights away from Killhenney.
One last prod of the carcass reveals nothing but a whinsom drive to be the purple ether, and to strive for happiness in a green spectrum of abundant stumm!
Hark, be thus so, dive into the pillow beasts lair and awaken to the being of self-consciousness, it is a pidgeon's nightmare but your ecstacy.
Crowd the tunnel with Peter-boy trinkets and such like, it adds to the flavour of nickels while easily baiting those myriad colours of the treacle farm business.
Ah! Faintner, you are indeed the blossom of the sky and needler of car salesmen, do your best!
This adds up to nowt...heeehee, did that a fine one on your pasty neck! Bove be his name to the markets and hearts of the catwalk goddesses.
For I like not all that is of the pleating parade and gills of men, but also of the fine amber beasts that so delight the far nights away from Killhenney.
One last prod of the carcass reveals nothing but a whinsom drive to be the purple ether, and to strive for happiness in a green spectrum of abundant stumm!
Hark, be thus so, dive into the pillow beasts lair and awaken to the being of self-consciousness, it is a pidgeon's nightmare but your ecstacy.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
I looked over at the cardboard box,
it was there.
Throughout the farm duck meanderings we saw nothing but chickens and rice bubbles.
For now, and then it is all but 3 duckies counting to 3 and back again, poor souls.
Reason not why it is, but where it came from, and its pupose is what to be?
Mable, Mable, Mable of the seas, why do you answer the 3 beasts of Stanley to it's name and so-forth?
It is all but the light of Ramses that shows you the way to Tinkerland and beyond.
Passing the old video of Frank Spencer enlightens all who know of he but they of young know anime wanderings.
Bite the plus-minus and all will seem but fingerlings in the eons of time.
- some old dude.
it was there.
Throughout the farm duck meanderings we saw nothing but chickens and rice bubbles.
For now, and then it is all but 3 duckies counting to 3 and back again, poor souls.
Reason not why it is, but where it came from, and its pupose is what to be?
Mable, Mable, Mable of the seas, why do you answer the 3 beasts of Stanley to it's name and so-forth?
It is all but the light of Ramses that shows you the way to Tinkerland and beyond.
Passing the old video of Frank Spencer enlightens all who know of he but they of young know anime wanderings.
Bite the plus-minus and all will seem but fingerlings in the eons of time.
- some old dude.
If Shakespeare was born in 20th century New Zealand:
Trev, Trev, where are ya Trev?
Trev, Trev, where are ya Trev?
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Well here I am baiting traps with corn to catch me some ducks. Yup.
Jungle Bob often had to go to the big city to do his shopping, which is a pity because you can't really call him Jungle Bob if he has to do that...ay?!
Scientific theory has it that black holes are a portal to some other time and space-dimension.
Well I say poo to that.
Well I say poo to that.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
'Yes, well thats where I left it' exclaimed Peter Noogles to his best friend and confidant Riley Peter-Pie.
'It was not nearly past the o'clock when the darn thing just curdled and went to the open spaces like rats out an aqueduct I tell you'
'Well...ya' said Riley Peter-Pie.
'Oh forlorn I be on this sunny Monday afternoon'
'Well...ya'
'We have been buds for a while haven't we Riley Peter-Pie?'
'Well...ya'
'Darn thing..should have jammed it before it grew that extra foot'
'Well...ya'
'You know, I never did figure out the meaning of Wainscotting'
'wain·scot - n. A facing or paneling, usually of wood, applied to the walls of a room. The lower part of an interior wall when finished in a material different from that of the upper part.'
'Toothy to say the least!'
'It was not nearly past the o'clock when the darn thing just curdled and went to the open spaces like rats out an aqueduct I tell you'
'Well...ya' said Riley Peter-Pie.
'Oh forlorn I be on this sunny Monday afternoon'
'Well...ya'
'We have been buds for a while haven't we Riley Peter-Pie?'
'Well...ya'
'Darn thing..should have jammed it before it grew that extra foot'
'Well...ya'
'You know, I never did figure out the meaning of Wainscotting'
'wain·scot - n. A facing or paneling, usually of wood, applied to the walls of a room. The lower part of an interior wall when finished in a material different from that of the upper part.'
'Toothy to say the least!'
Toofy sceelock tarsag badoof heek tak schink et peestay.
'Mondo yup its the luck o' the Mullet trainers!'
Gunb hoonspey rarkle tugger jinky barro bundy sme.
A.
'Mondo yup its the luck o' the Mullet trainers!'
Gunb hoonspey rarkle tugger jinky barro bundy sme.
A.
